


Help

by spohs461



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Abuse, Alvin Marsh Being an Asshole, Body Dysphoria, Dysphoria, Gender Dysphoria, Streddie, Trans Beverly Marsh, Trans Male Character, abuse tw, alvin marsh is a horrible person and probably should be in jail, blake marsh, patrick needs to chill, poly losers club, trans masc bev marsh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23979214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spohs461/pseuds/spohs461
Summary: Her fingers traveled over the flame colored hair.The scissors felt cold to her touch.her hair was his way of making her his.𝓼𝓷𝓲𝓹TW Abuse, transgender Beverly marsh
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Stanley Uris
Kudos: 23





	1. 1.

Abuse warning for the rest of the series.

Beverly Marsh

A deadly name that he never wants uttered out of her fathers mouth again. Blake Marsh. That feels a lot better. Blake's father is a horrid man. Always making sexual remarks about the boys she hangs out with, her hair. her hair. That is the part of herself that ties her to her father. her father adores her long orange hair. Blake had had enough of her father.

One night Blake waited until after her father fell asleep while watching tv. She ran and locked herself in the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Her fingers traveled over the flame colored hair. The scissors felt cold to her touch. Her hair was his way of making her his.

Snip

The hair fell onto the sink as Beverly cried. She cut more and more until her hair fell just above her ears. She put the scissors down and turned on the water, the hair fell down the drain. She sighed and stepped back. She sat on the edge of the bathtub and screamed. Well it was a silent scream, her father was sleeping. She took a deep breath and got up and turned off the sink water. Beverly walked back to her bedroom, trying to sneak past her father.

"Bevvy.." Al said, groggily. Beverly stopped in her tracks. fuck. Al got up and put his hand on Beverly's shoulder. He looked at her hair. He brought has hand up to her hair.

"What the hell did you do?" He ran his fingers through her hair. "You look like a fucking ugly boy." he pulled her hair slightly. "Such a disgrace." He pushed her away. "Why did you do that!" He roared. "I loved you hair Bevvy." He said. "Are you still my little girl Bevvy?"

"No!" Beverly screamed.

"Excuse me?" he raised his eyebrows.

"I don't want to be your little girl anymore!" Al quickly smacked her across the face.

"If you live under my roof you will be my little girl, you hear?" He screamed. Beverly began to cry.

"Don't call me that." She covered her ears. "I'm not a girl! I'm not!" Al gasped.

"So you want to be a tranny slut huh?" he chuckled a bit. "I knew those boys you hang out with did something to you." Beverly tried to walk away before her father grabbed her arm.

"I don't want you to see them anymore. They are a bad influence." He said. "You understand these thoughts will go away right? You will always be my little girl Bevvy." He kissed her forehead. "Now go to your room and think about what you have done." Beverly pulled herself away from her father and ran to her room.

She slammed her door and laid on her bed. She began to sob. after a few minutes of sobbing she sat up and walked over to her closet. She changed out of her dress and put on some overalls and a simple purple t-shirt. She grabbed her phone off of her dresser and put it in her pocket. She opened the window. Before she did anything she quickly locked her door. She then walked over to the window and left her house.

Beverly grabbed her phone and texted Bill that she was coming over. She lived fairly close to Bill, maybe a 15 minute walk. She soon got to Bill's house and knocked on the door. Bill opened the door and smiled.

"Hey B-Bev! Your hair, you cut it?" Beverly walked into the house and wiped her face.

"I did, I don't want my father to have control over me anymore." She spoke.

"Wait, is everything okay?" Beverly sighed and shook her head.

"I'm trans" Beverly choked back her tears. Bill looked at her, shocked.

"I don't really understand any of this so bear with me, but what do you want to go by?" BIll tried his best. He loved Beverly and wanted to help her anyway he could. Even if he was a little confused.

"I think I want to go by Blake and he/him." He said. Bill nodded.

"W-wait, I have something for you!" Bill ran into his room and Blake followed. Bill rummaged through his closet. He found an old shirt he wore while painting. It said "Til death do we art." A little clique but Bill loved this shirt with his whole being. He handed the shirt to Blake.

"Take good care of it." He smiled. Blake took the shirt and smiled. "Sorry for the p-paint stains on it." Blake chuckled.

"It gives it more personality." He smiled. "I love it, thank you." He kissed Bill's cheek. Bill blushed.

"No problem, just here to help you start your m-man collection." He chuckled

"Can I stay here?" Blake looked down. "My father kinda isn't to happy about me and I'm scared to go back." He said.

"Of course."

5 pm

"Bill honey, dinner time! Bring Beverly!" Mrs Denbrough called out for the two. Bill and Blake walked and sat down at the dinner table.

"Actually I want to go by Blake Mrs. Denbrough."

Sharon smiled "Alright Blake, you can call me Sharon."

"Why are we calling Beverly Blake?" Georgie asked.

"Because I was born in the wrong body." Blake spoke. "I want to be a boy but I was born in a girl's body." Georgie nodded.

"I'm a boy in a boy's body." He smiled brightly

Blake chuckled. "You are one of the lucky ones."

Georgie ate his dinner. "So Blake" he tried his best to correct himself when needed. "You go by he/him?" he asked. Blake nodded, "That's right."

Even kids can easily understand. You hear that dad?


	2. 2.

After dinner Blake and Bill got ready for bed. They brushed their teeth and put their pajamas on. Blake put on the "Till death do we art." Shirt. 

"Bill can I borrow some shorts?" Blake walked into Bill's room. Bill didn't respond, he looked through a drawer for some shorts Blake might be able to fit into. 

"Hang on just a minute." Bill walked into Georgie's room.

"What are you doing?" Georgie looked at Bill as Bill stole some shorts. "Hey!" 

"Come on, let Blake borrow them." Bill said. Georgie huffed. "Fine, I didn't like those shorts anyways!" Georgie threw some black shorts at Bill and shut his door on him. Bill rolled his eyes and handed the shorts to Blake. 

"Sorry, I guess you can keep these too." Blake nodded and went into the bathroom and changed. Blake looked at himself in the mirror. He still had his chest but that was a problem to change another time. He felt comfortable in the clothes Bill gave him. For the progress he made today, he was proud. The chest. Not the best part but something huge that needs to be fixed. Maybe soon but probably not soon. 

Blake removed his shirt and looked at himself in the mirror once more. He put his hands on his stomach and sighed. His hands felt cold to his touch. He removed his bra. "Can't sleep in this." he thought. 

He took a deep breath. Being exposed like this, even under a shirt, breaks him. Makes him uncomfortable. But wearing a bra is worse. He needs a binder. Blake never looked into what a binder really is. All he knows is that it hides your chest. He mentally put that on his list. His transition list. 

Now it was time to be a friend. He was here to get support from Bill. Blake needed a friend. After running away from his father that's all he could ever care about. He put his shirt back on and picked up his bra. He walked back into Bill's room, holding the bra behind his back.

"Hey Bev-Blake." Bill said nervously. "S-Sorry!"

"It's hard for people to change, I get mishaps." Blake smiled and threw the bra behind the bed. 

"So, do you want to watch a movie?" Bill asked. Blake nodded and jumped onto the bed. Bill brought up Netflix and tossed the remote to Blake. 

"Hm.. Okay." Blake searched through the movies before picking truth or dare. The movie wasn't very good but it was funny to laugh at how bad it was. The movie was soon over and Blake was asleep. Bill covered up the other male in the blanket and grabbed another blanket and slept on the floor. 

3 am

Blake shot awake. Oh my god. He had a nightmare. He checked his phone. A million messages from his father. He threw his phone onto his bed. He sat up and took a deep breath. He started crying. The nightmare was horrible. It started with his father taking him back home. He knew he was in trouble when he got home and in the dream, he did. Blake got hit multiple times, names and slurs thrown at him. It felt so real, then he woke up. Back to reality. He was sitting up in Bill's bed as he was scared to check his messages. He didn't have to respond but he felt inclined to. Blake picked up his phone.

🍑

What the fuck? 

You need to be home now!

Bevvy

I will call the police if you don't get home soon

Missed phone call from 🍑

look, I didn't mean what I said

If you come home I'll change

Bevvy

I promise

And many more messages from there that he was too scared to read. He charged his phone again and turned on do not disturb. He tried to go back to sleep but laid there for 30 mins. He eventually cried himself to sleep. He was scared to wake up. What if the police showed up, what if there where new messages? What if he didn't wake up? Blake hoped and prayed that he didn't wake up. He was sure he would wake up though. 

8 am

Bill woke up and waited for Blake to wake up. He went on his phone for a couple minutes before Blake woke up. Blake sat up and rubbed his face. 

"Good morning s-sleepyhead" Bill chuckled a bit.

"Good morning loser." Blake joked back.

"How did you sleep?"

"Not very well, I woke up after my dad texted me."

"what?" Bill got up and sat on the bed. Blake picked up his phone and showed Bill all of the thousands of messages. Bill looked at the phone.

"We need to d-do something about this." Bill said. He was worried for Blake, extremely worried.

"I'm scared, I don't want to go to court or anything. That sounds like a lot."

"Bev," Bill dead named him but they both weren't paying attention. Bill didn't realize what he did but if he did he would of been sorry. 

"I don't want you to keep getting hurt." Bill said. "Because it is only bruises and scraps but he could kill you!"

"I can take care of myself.." Blake looked down. He put his phone in his lap.

"I don't want him to kill you!" Bill roared. Blake got overwhelmed. From the text messages, the phone calls, Bill yelling at him.

He broke down

He cried & cried


	3. 3.

Blake eventually came around and stopped crying. He looked pathetic, Blake thought to himself. His eyes where puffy, his hair a mess. He sniffed and wiped his face.

"I'm not going to be like you aren't I?" Blake said. Bill looked at the boy and raised an eyebrow.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You are a cis male, born in the right body, perfect family! Everything I could dream of." Bill chuckled.

"My family is not perfect." He said. "Me and Georgie fight all the time."

"At least your father doesn't abuse you!"

"How about this," Bill got up and handed Blake some clothes. "We call up the other losers and we go hang out at the quarry." Bill smiled. "I think you just need to be with your chosen family."

"Yeah, the losers are my brothers. That would be nice." He smiled brightly. The two got dressed and Blake wasn't a huge fan of the flannel Bill gave him, but they where men's clothes and that's all that mattered. The two then headed off to the quarry. Before they left Bill called everyone in for a team meeting at the quarry. As soon as Blake and Bill got to the quarry the other boys were looking at Blake.

"I like your hair Beverly!" Ben chimed in. Blake bit his lip. Too nervous to say anything about the horrible name.

"T-Thats why we are here." Bill said. "Do you wanna tell t-them?" Bill looked at Blake. He nodded and stood up.

"My name is Blake Marsh and I am a boy." Richie gasped before Eddie elbowed him.

"Welcome to the man squad!" Richie grabbed his package and chuckled.

"Richie! Gross!" Blake laughed along.

"We s-should treat Blake the same way as we did before." Bill said.

"Yes, just don't call me Beverly and use he/him pronouns." Blake said. No one seemed to even bat an eye when he came out. It was refreshing. The boys just laughed and played as they normally did. Nothing changed between them. The boys where walking into the sewers. It was apart of their daily routine to just explore whatever they could.

"This is so gross!" Eddie exclaimed out.

"Suck it up asshole!" Richie flipped him off.

"Get a room!" Blake chuckled and continued to walk into the sewers. They spent their day exploring the sewers and messing around like they always did. A couple hours after they enetered they sewers they left. They laid on the grass and looked up at the clouds, Richie telling them he found a penis cloud. They where cut abrupt by some sirens in the distance.

"Fucking hell!" Blake sat up.

"What's going on?" Stan asked.

"My dad said probably called the police on me. I ran away!" Blake looked around. A police officer came out from the bushes and Blake ran and found a hiding spot in the sewers. The other losers looked at Blake oddly, they soon catcher on. The police officer looked around for a moment.

"I don't see her anywhere Mr. Marsh" He yelled aloud. Blake heard a fimilar chuckled.

"She has to be around here somewhere god damnit!" The man said.

"I'm going to beat her little ass." Al whispered to himself. Blake peered out of the sewers and looked at the man before quickly going back and hiding.

"T-That's him!" Bill said quietly. "That's Blake's dad! We somehow need to tell the police that he is not a good man!" Blake nodded and agreed with Bill.

"I can show them my bruises but I am just a kid, my dad could say I got them playing."

"This is not okay. If you are being hurt we need to tell someone." Stan chimes in.

"I love you Blake and it pains me to see you hurting like this." Ben said. Blake ignored Ben as he got out of the sewers.

"What is he doing?" Mike asked.

"My dad is gone, we can try and find a police man now!" The rest of the losers silently nodded and left the sewers. They looked around for a moment. Was this something Blake really wanted to go through with? There where three options, 1. Tell the police officer and get help. 2. Tell the police officer and they ignore you and send you back to your dad or 3. Don't do anything and keep hiding from him. Option 3 seemed the easiest right now but it wasn't the best.

He knew what he had to do


	4. 4.

Blake didn't like what was happening with his father. He knew what he had to do. Once he left the sewers he looked around for a police officer. Eddie looked around, making sure Al was nowhere to be seen. Somehow while the other boys where looking away Blake was gone.

His father had found him. Blake got taken. He was taken back home and the losers had no idea. Blake was terrified and knew what was coming. Something horrific.

"Don't you ever leave me again baby girl.." Al pulled her into a hug. He ran his hand threw his hair. Blake hugged back. Terrified to make any movement that suggested he wasn't his fathers. Blake was then walked to his fathers car. And then drove home. All seemed vaguely normal. Or a bit normal for Blake's life anyways. 

Blake and his father got into the house. Once they got into the house Al slammed the door.

"Do you know how much trouble you are in young lady!" Blake took a step back from his father. 

"Daddy I-I can explain.." Blake's heart was running a mile a minute. He had a thought of what he father might do but was terrified at the outcome.

"I told you," Al grabbed Blake's arm. He tried his hardest to pull himself away, no luck.

"I told you that I was going to beat your ass for leaving!" Al smacked Blake across the face. Al took a look at the clothes he was wearing.

"Go take this shit off. Go put on something I bought you." Al let Blake go.

"I don't want to see you wearing that ugly boys clothes ever again. You hear me you tranny faggot?" Al grabbed Blake shirt and brought him close. Blake kicked his father in the balls. His shirt got ripped but he got away.

"I hate you!" Blake screamed. He quickly covered his mouth. Realising he made a huge mistake.

"Excuse me?" Blake began to cry. He fucked up. Al pulled Blake's hair and pushed him to the ground.

"What did you just say?" Al slightly kicked Blake. It didn't hurt but the message was clear. Blake tried to back up and crawl away.

"Answer you bitch!" Blake gulped.

"I-I said I love you, you are the best father I could ever dream of!"

"That's good." Blake stood up.

"I'm sorry.." Blake looked down.

"You better be. You will never disrespect me again.." Al kissed Blake's head.

"Now go put on one of those dresses I bought you." Al moved away from Blake as he walked to his room. He felt his fathers glare as he walked away. Once he walked into his room he shut the door. He opened his closet and pulled out a dress. Blake laid the dress on the bed and stared at it. This is the stupid thing that he wanted to burn.

Maybe he could burn his girly clothes. Maybe. With some help he could. 

Authors note: this is a short chapter but it was SUPER hard to write. I'm sorry for the short chapter.


	5. 5.

Blake was scared and upset at his father. He wanted to give up. He sat on his bed and took a deep breath. There wasn't much he could do in the situation. He could end everything right then and there. He took a deep breath. These are just thoughts. These are just thoughts. He tried to calm himself down. He needed to be destructive in a different way. In a way that wasn't harmful to himself or someone. He got an idea.

Blake decided to call up Patrick hocksetter and ask for some help. He wanted to burn all of his dresses, skirts, and other feminine clothes. He wanted to keep a few shirts that looked fairly masculine though. Maybe he would be able to slip those off as clothes his dad would let him wear. He texted Patrick. He sent him a photo of the clothes and ask him if he could burn them. He waited a while and before he knew it, he got a response back.

🔥

"Yes but what's in it for me?"

"Uh, what do you want???"

"You ;)"

Blake shuddered. He knew what Patrick was talking about and was 100% against it.

"How about I do your homework for a week?"

"Fine"

"Meet me behind the school @ 8"

"Bring your shit"

"Henry might be there so b ready"

"Ready for what?"

"Eh anything ig🤷"

Blake sighed. He was about to go through with this. Tonight. Just to find a way out. His dad practically threatened Blake. He was terrified to leave but he was even more terrified to wear the girly clothes.

8 pm

Blake brought a grocery bag full of his clothes and noticed his dad was passed out. Ugh drunk again. He snuck out the door and soon enough got to the school. Patrick had been there setting up a huge fire pit. Henry was there too. He was only there to make sure no one got out of hand, even Patrick needed a babysitter.

Blake held the bag close to his chest as he stared at the flame in front of him. He was fascinated but nervous. He then was pushed slightly forward by Henry. Not close enough to the fire but enough for Blake to want to fight back.

"Come on sissy girl!" Henry said. He crossed his arms.

"Yeah! Why do you even what to do this anyways?" Patrick asked. Blake's face felt hot. Maybe from the fire or from the embarrassment and anger he felt.

"It's a secret. Just burn the clothes please.." Blake handed the bag to Patrick.

"There has to be a reason!" Henry spoke. "Maybe a dumb ass reason, but a reason!" Blake froze. If he told them he would definitely be harassed. He didn't need more people yelling slurs at him. He didn't speak.

"What? Are you a pussy?" Patrick chuckled.

"Ha! Pussy!" Henry smirked. Blake held back his tears as he stepped backwards, bumping into Henry. He turned around and dropped the bag. He pushed Henry down and Patrick looked at the red head. Blake ran away. He didn't realise his life was full of running. He ran and stopped to take a breath. Richie saw Blake from across the street and walked over to him.

"Hey Blake!" Blake gasped and walked away.

"Uh, it's Richie! I was going to Eddie's house and I-" Patrick overheard and followed behind the two. Patrick over heard the masculine name and caught on quick.

"So," Patrick grabbed Blake's arm.

"Here we have a She-man." Blake tried to pull away.

"You wanna be a boy?" Patrick asked.

"Well you can't!" He laughed. Blake was confused. He was a boy. Patrick didn't get to tell him otherwise.

"I am a boy! That's what I've always been!" Blake shouted. Patrick rose his eyebrow.

"Then show me." Patrick looked the teen up and down. "Prove it!"

Richie ran and tackled Patrick to the ground.

"This is for being an asshole!" Richie punched Patrick. He wasn't sure if he actually hit him. He was punching randomly but he got a few hits in there. Blake fell back once Patrick let go. He got up and brushed off.

"Crap! My dad!" Blake gasped. "I uh, gotta go!" He once again began running. He ran home and into the house. Once in the house he ran in his room. Thank the lord, Al was outside smoking. Probably just woke up. Blake sat on his bed and looked at his closet. A few clothes were hung up. I should fix that later.

Blake checked his phone. 10 pm, Sunday night.

"Damnit." He told himself. Spring break was over. He was only out for a couple weeks now and was scared to go to school. A place where he knew he would have to be female. He had no other option. And the locker room.

Seeing other girls change wasn't a huge problem, Blake just ignored them. It's the fact that his gender would be exposed. He had to make up some excuses. He could be gay! Yeah! They can't put a gay girl in the locker room right? He has to wait and try it tomorrow.

Nervous? Definitely.


	6. 6.

Everyone had been taking Blake's information differently. All well of course. Stan, really happy! And also not really caring about it at the same time, Bill maybe questioning his sexuality, Ben too, Mike estatic, Richie being more careful about who he let's know he's gay, and Eddie. Eddie was different. He didn't realise you could change your gender. He was curious about everything in the lgbt community. He only knew the basic terms, gay, bi and lesbian.

As a gay man himself, he thought that's all there was to it. Plain and simple. Eddie sat in his bed and pulled out his computer. He looked up "Lgbt terms". He scrolled through a website that showed new terms like asexual, pansexaual, aromatic, and an interesting term. "Non-Binary." Someone who doesn't identify as male or female. Eddie sighed. You can be neither? He always knew that he was a little bit girlier than the other boys. Eddie wasn't crazily girly but compared to the boys in his town he was a "fag". He continued on the website.

Eddie came across another interesting term. "Pollyamorous." Someone who dates 2 or more people at once. Every person in the situation consenting. Isn't that just cheating? Eddie couldn't imagine cheating on Richie! Eddie closed his laptop and laid back. He was confused. Being poly seems weird and isn't that just cheating on your partner? But it said all parties are consenting. Hm.

What about non-binary. Being neither means you can be masculine and feminine and whatever you want. You didn't have to conform to gender norms. You just conform to your own norms. Eddie smiled.

"They/them." Eddie said allowed. It sounded odd but he was interested.

"Look at Eddie over there. They are so cool!" Eddie gulped. He liked the sound of that but could he really tell people? Eddie's phone buzzed.

The man

"Hey Eds!"   
"Can I call you?"  
"I kinda wanna talk to you.."

"Uh yeah go ahead ig"

After a moment or so Eddie's phone rang. He picked it up.

"Hey Stan What's up?"

"I-" Eddie heard some heavy breathing on the other line. Stan sounded nervous and scared.

"Are you okay? Is there something going on?"

"Eddie I think I have a crush on you.."

"Stan you know-" Eddie got cut off.

"I know you are with Richie but I had to get it off my chest. I will respect you if you don't like me back I just had to get that out." Eddie looked down. He sorta liked Stan. Stan was sweet and caring. He went to stan with things he could tell Richie, the deep things. The boys talked for a while before hanging up. Eddie went back to his laptop. The old website still up. Eddie looked at the screen before realising.

Maybe if I talk to Richie I can date Stan? But also Richie? He said to himself. He was confused but sorta understood what being poly was. He decided to go on YouTube and search up some poly families to get the idea. It was a bit odd at first but they where just like anyone else.

But what about non-binary. Maybe test it out? He searched ways to test out new pronouns and came across a website that inserts your name and pronouns in a sentence. He input his name. His birthname. He didn't feel the need to change his name. Edward was okay for him. He thought of maybe talking to Blake about all this. Maybe he could give Eddie some more information. This was a lot for Eddie to take in at once.

He kinda wanted to try being poly yet he was scared. He also wanted to try being non-binary but he wants to ask Blake a ton of questions first. He will have to wait until school on Monday. He could talk to Richie and Blake on Monday. They could figure things out then. Maybe not what Eddie is but at least figure out what this all means.


	7. 7.

Monday morning

Blake woke up and got dressed for school. He had to be up around 6 am if he wanted to catch the bus. Luckily his dad was still asleep or thought it was too early to bother the boy so he wasn't usually annoyed by him. He got ready, brushed his teeth and hair. He grabbed his bag and headed to the bus stop. Once the bus arrived he found a spot and sat down.

He usually sat on the bus alone but it was perfect for the boy. Blake preferred to be alone since it was too early for a chat. He liked looking out the window and picture all the good in Derry. Give his mind a break from his home life. Derry was kinda beautiful, scenery wise.

Blake got to school and immediately got stopped by Eddie. Eddie looks nervous but happy to see the other male. Blake smiled.

"Hey Edwardo!" Blake joked.

"Hey.." The male replied. 

"I have a question." Eddie put his hands together and played with his thumbs. Blake nodded, signalling Eddie to go on.

"Do you know what a non-binary is?" Blake looked at Eddie and wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulder.

"That means you aren't a boy or girl." Blake stated. "You know how I changed my pronouns right?"

"Yeah, you go by he him now!" 

"Some people who are non-binary want to go by they them." Blake kept talking about what being non-binary was and helped Eddie understand. It was finally making sense.

"I think I want to be non-binary but I'm still not sure."

"I can use they them pronouns for you for a while, just to test out the waters." Blake suggested. Eddie smiled and nodded. 

"Anything else you need advice on?" 

"uh.." Eddie sighed. "I maybe like Stan, but I'm dating Richie and I love him too!" He looked at Blake.

"I'm very confused and not sure what to do."

"Hm." Blake thought about it for a while. "Do you know what polyamory is?" Eddie nodded.

"Kinda yeah, I did a bit of research and that seems kinda weird but I'm interested."

"That's how it was for me when I found out you could change genders, but it's okay to be confused." 

"Maybe talk to Richie about maybe being interested in this.'' Eddie smiled and kissed Blake's cheek. 

"Thank you for the help, I gotta get to class now." Eddie waved and walked away. Blake smiled and got to his first period. Blake sat next to Bill and talked to him for a while before class started. Blake listened to the teacher read a passage in the book but he put his head down. He started to day dream about getting out of school and living as the perfect male. Zac Efron is the perfect male and is adored by many. Maybe I should work out? Would people see me as a man if I got abs? How does Bill wake up and look like one of the most perfect cis boys everyday? I bet he doesn't like me. I will never live up to his standards.

The school day soon enough came to almost an end. It was lunch time and the losers got together for lunch. Blake sighed. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to hang with the other boys today but he needed some of Richie's jokes. Maybe that would make him feel better. He got in line and got his food. He walked over to the other losers and tried to put on a happy face. The losers shared their hellos as they ate and talked to one another. Stan being annoyed by Richie, Ben staring at Blake, Mike reading yet still listening. Just like the good ol' days. Blake was sitting there, mind running a mile a minute.

Blake kept thinking about how the other losers look so pretty. Not even in a "I'd date you way." more of a "I want to look like you." way. He sighed, not realizing he sighed allowed. Bill looked over at the male and raised an eyebrow. 

"You okay d-dude?" Bill asked.

"No, but it's okay." Blake faked a smile. "I'll be okay I promise."

"What's going on?" Mike asked.

"Come on!" Richie said. "It's the losers club, from all the shit we heard I bet it's not that bad."

"I-" Blake felt like he was on a stage. He was overwhelmed with the eyes on him.

"I want to be alone." Blake said.

"Not alone, I want to talk to Bill." The losers nodded and one by one they left. Bill is the only one that stayed behind. 

"So," Bill said. 

"What's on your mind?"

"I feel like I don't look anything like you or Richie or Stan." 

"That's good r-right?" Bill said. "Individuality!" 

"No, I look like a girl." Blake looked down. 

"I want to look masculine like you." Bill wrapped his arm around the male. 

"You are masculine to me, I don't think that you looking a certain way makes you a man."

"You saying that you are a man makes you a man." Blake started to tear up and he put his hands on Bill's face. Blake brought his face close to Bill's before kissing his lips softly. They stayed there for a while before Blake pulled away. 

"What was that for?" Bill asked, his cheeks slightly red. 

"That's for being there for me. For making me feel valid."


	8. 8.

Blake finally got home and got the mail. A note for Blake marsh was in the pile of bills and random spam. He put the note in his backpack before walking through the door. He tossed the bills on the side table by his fathers chair. His father ignored him and Blake walked to his room. He put his bag down and pulled out the note. 

"Your hair is winter fire, January embers, my heart burns there too."

Is this a creepy note from a stranger? Blake laid back in bed and stared at the note for a while. He tried to rule out who it couldn't be. Not Richie or Eddie, they are together. Not Stan because he has a crush on Eddie. Blake thought for a while before he got up and put the note on his table. He picked out some comfy pjs and walked to the bathroom. He entered the bathroom and locked the door.

Showers

A battle he was used to. Just get washed and get out. Blake usually plays music but that's when his father is out. He can't play music while his father sleeps. He tried showering with the light off but he almost tripped and fell, not safe in the slightest. Blake put a towel over the mirror. He made sure he could see his body. Then he turned on the shower. While waiting for the shower to heat up he thought of the note again. He began to get undressed as he thought of who wrote the note. Maybe a sick joke by Greta or Henry? That would be the fucking greatest right? After a while of thinking he got into the shower. He showered for about 15 minutes before changing into his pjs and walking back to his room. Blake stopped in front of his room as he was stopped by his dad. 

"Hi daddy.." He looked down.

"Princess.." Al pulled the note from his pocket

"What is this?" Blake took the note and Al crossed his arms. Blake looked at the note.

"I found it in the mail, I don't know who gave it to me."

"Bevvy, please don't tell me one of those boys have given this to you." Al took the note from Blake and looked at the note. 

"You know I told you to stay away from these boys right?" Al looked back up Blake.

"I promise I haven't talked to them for a long time!" 

"Are you sleeping with these boys?" Al began to rip up the note. Blake looked at his father in shock. What the hell? Why was his father accusing him of sleeping with someone. He didn't even know if he was any attracted to someone. 

"No! I don't even want to sleep with someone." Blake crossed his arms. 

"What the hell dad?" Al grabbed Blake's arm.

"Don't you ever talk to me like that!" Blake's angry face soon turned into a frown. He was afraid. 

"I-I'm sorry daddy!" Al let go of the boy's arm. Blake tried to push past his father, trying to go to his room. Al looks over at Blake with shock.

"Excuse me?" Blake tried to walk away before Al pulled him back and hit in across the face. 

"I don't know what has gotten into you but you do not disrespect me like this!" Blake brought his hand to his face. He began to tear up. He ran into his room and slammed his door. He laid into his bed and screamed into his pillow. 

"I fucking hate you dad!" That is what he wished he said. But alas he is too frightened.


	9. 9.

Tuesday Morning

Blake woke up being more sweaty and gross than when he went to bed. He grabbed his school clothes and walked to the bathroom. He felt horrible. Maybe his father would let him stay home? no, not a chance. He used the bathroom and the worst time for this. His period. He checked under the sink and to his horror, only one tampon left. Blake quickly got dressed and tried to get ready and out the door before school. He grabbed his bag and headed out the door. It was about an hour before he had to be at school so he went to the drug store. Once Blake got to the drug store he picked out some tampons. He turned the corner and stopped in his tracks. Blake tried to open his mouth and speak but nothing came out. He was a little embarrassed and nervous to speak. 

"Bev?" The man spoke "Er, Blake?" 

"Stan? What are uh.." Blake paused for a moment. 

"What are you and Bill doing here?"

"I-I take Stan to school everyday and he needed to stop by and grab something." Bill tossed Stan the box he was holding and chuckled awkwardly.

"Stan needed condoms?" Blake held the tampon box with one hand and looked at the two boys, confused.

"Uh.." Stan held the box and blushed. Everyone in the conversation was embarrassed. 

"I needed it for uh personal reasons." Blake nodded awkwardly and walked past the boys. He smiled at Bill and they shared a loving glance. Blake bought his tampons and put them in his bag. Blake walked to school and felt uncomfortable. Maybe it had something to do with the awkward conversation earlier but it was most likely from his cramps. He knew this was coming but always wasn't ready. 

After being at school for a couple hours P.E. came. Third period rolled around and Blake was nervous. He walked into the locker room and put his backpack in his locker. He unlocked his locker and pulled out his gym clothes. He knew no one was watching, no one cared enough to, yet he felt eyes on him. Blake felt like he was on a stage changing in front of everyone. He took a minute and finally gained the courage to change. He changed into his gym clothes and locked his clothes back up. Blake sat on the bench near his locker and waited to be called out. He wanted to lie down and cry. Just an overwhelm of his period, and just being tired. 

Eventually school was over and Bill had decided to walk Blake home. Blake had been talking about how the days were he had to stay after for tutoring that he was scared to walk home alone. Ever since the encounter with Henry and Patrick he was always nervous to walk home. The two boys knew that the Bowers gang typically had detention so it wasn't took much of bother but Blake still needed some support. Blake was ranting on and on about his feeling on his dad and just whatever else he needed to get out. It was a nice change of pace to vent and talk to someone like this. Bill smiled and listened intently to what the other male said. Bill slipped his hand into Blake's hand and Blake didn't respond back. He just linked their fingers together and kept talking. 

This wasn't the best day but it was what Blake needed. Apart from the P.E. Talking to this boy who hardly stuttered around him, makes his stomach filled up with butterflies every time they spoke made him happy. He felt safe around Bill. Bill made him happy.


	10. 10.

Blake and Bill has been walking home together for almost a week now, they were inseparable. Blake never stopped thinking about the note he got a while back. 

"Hey, did you write me a secret letter?" He asked. Bill raised his eyebrows. 

"No. I mean yeah but I never gave it out."

"What? I have another secret admirer!" he playfully elbowed Bill. 

"I just think that maybe it's someone you know. Or someone who knows you" Bill said

They soon got to Blake's house and they said their goodbyes. Blake held his breath as he walked inside. His father was home but oddly ignored him. Blake went to his room and put his backpack down. 

Blake didn't feel safe at home, but he didn't feel safe enough to call the police. He paced around his room thinking of what he should do. He didn't want to live with Bill and Ben a burden. He could stay with Richie but he didn't wanna bother. Hm. He sat down and thought for a moment. 

Blake had remembered a phone number by his fathers desk. It could of been one of his hookups but honestly he decided to call anyways. Anyone was better than his dad. 

Blake picked up his phone and dialed the number. He sat there for a moment before he heard the phone ring, and then a lady speak. She sounded sweet and soft. 

"Hello? This is Elfrida." The women said. 

"Hi, my name is Bl- Beverly Marsh." Blake said. "I'm calling to maybe ask for some advice about my father?" Blake heard the other line go silent. Soon he heard the lady clear her voice and speak again. 

"Oh yes! Is there something you would like to know about him?" The woman on the other line seemed nervous but Blake shook it off. 

"Yes, how do you know my father first of all." He asked. The lady on the phone didn't respond. She said she had to leave and respectfully hung up. The phone call was weird and Blake still didn't know who she was. 

He didn't really understand why he called. Maybe to befriend her and live with her? How would a random lady just adopt a random child? Well he decided to let the phone call pass. 

Blake really wanted to try anything and everything to get away from the bastard he has to live with.


	11. 11.

Blake laid in bed and contemplated life. A daily ritual. He felt numb and empty all the time. He wanted change in his life, obviously he couldn't get the change he wanted. If he wanted change he would have to think about small change. Maybe a new style? Or maybe get a boyfriend! It's pointless. It's not going to help him fix his body. 

Blake marsh was completely hopeless. His father would never listen to him about his gender. "Tranny!" Fuck! He knew he could talk to his friends but he didn't need their "oh it's going to be okay" bullshit. It won't be okay and that's the facts. Bill was the only loser he felt truely close too but Bill isn't a good at responding to being vented with. Maybe he is. Blake has to try. 

Morning 

Fucking morning already? Blake woke up around 12 pm on Saturday. He didn't get much sleep last night, he was up with all his thoughts. Alvin opened Blake's door, he clearly wasn't having a good day either. 

"Did you call her?" Alvin asked

"Who?" Blake responded

"Elfrida! Did you fucking call her!"

"I saw the number on your desk and I-" Blake got hit. 

"I don't want you talking to her, or people I know without my permission!" His father roared. Blake was tired and overwhelmed and he just sat there and cried. No response, just tears. 

"Oh don't fucking cry." Alvin said 

"I want you to tell me you won't speak to her again!" Blake looked down as he sniffled

"Come on bevvie!" His father screamed. He was afraid of being hurt again. 

"I promise daddy" Blake looked up at his father. 

"Good, now get dressed." He looked at his kid up and down 

"You look trashy." Alvin walked away. Blake shut and locked his door as soon as his father left, knowing his door won't be shut for long. Blake looked down at his clothes, just a black tee shirt and some grey shorts. Hell they weren't even short shorts like the ones Eddie wears. But atlas he was trashy and slutty. 

"What if I just wear something really slutty to spite him?" He thought. "No I'll get in even more trouble." He sat on his bed for a moment. Once he got more energy to get up he got up and got dressed. Some shorts that went to his knees and a red tank top. Pretty casual, and not trashy, right?


End file.
